Application Story: Bringing Harmony into Our Lives Part II

Let’s continue with the search for bringing harmony into our lives. As I said before Part II of this article will provide us with more practical ideas to start thinking what could we do to understand what matter the most for us, and how we can balanced those things. The end goal of this is to create an open forum and generate ideas so that we can learn from each other about “Life Balance or Life Harmony”.

Here is the way I picture Life Harmony after reading and interiorizing things with my personal and professional experience:

Over the course of our lives, imagine that you receive Six balls to juggle in life, these are fundamental for your success. These 6 balls are in fact part of your Life Harmony: Family, Health, Work, Time, Money, and Wisdom.    Now let’s take a moment to think how you will juggle these balls and how you will balance all of them. To help us with this, let’s find some meanings…

Why Family Matters? I believe that family is the center of our human beings, is the fundamental principle of personal realization and happiness. With family we regenerate and renew our society expanding our roots. The most important thing in this context is to have a healthy family making each member or generation better when contributing in the society. Forming great children who are the future and who will represent what comes next in generations soon to be.

Why Health Matters? It matters for a very simple reason, we would like to live long enough to enjoy all pleasures in live. We enjoy life better when we have better health, and the simple activities that we normally do is something we shouldn’t take for granted. I will say life can only be enjoyable because the opportunities we size and enjoy. There are many opportunities that are only opened to us if we have good health. We all want to be free from pain, and any health problem, well the only way to be free is to live to the fullest, having good health for sure.

Why Work Matters? Work is far more than having a job or a career, because it is part of the quality of life we would like to achieve. It is how we find the way to support ourselves and families. It is also the way we can express feelings like love, how we contribute and how we nurture what we want to be and who we want to be.

Why Time Matters?  Time implies value in many ways. Time matters because it is limited and goes by so quickly. We can size each moment but we cannot slow down time. We can live each moment, appreciate it and savor it. We can make sure we do not squander it or waste it. That is the best we can do. The worst we can do is paying no attention to time, because when it’s gone, it’s gone. In fact, the way we spend our time reflects our ability to focus on and achieve what we would like to achieve. It is our ability that counts the most to define what matter the most to us, and how we would like to spend the time in our lives.

Why Money Matters? As time, money is also related to value. It is related to our relationship with work, family, health and time. Money is a manifestation of the value we place on the things money can buy. My question is then how much money buys harmony, and happiness? A wide group of research suggests the number is approximately forty thousand dollars a year. Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University, says once you have enough money to meet basic needs – food, shelter, but not necessarily cable —incremental increases have little effect on your happiness.

Why Wisdom Matters? I will say this is part of lives dynamic. The knowledge we have or the wisdom we acquire will give us the capacity to balance our lives day in and day out. Wisdom gives us the opportunity to size our goals, priorities, and decisions moments that will test our integrity and expand our awareness in facing challenging situations. As time, life moves on, and things happen as a consequence of the decisions or actions we take depending on our wisdom or knowledge. So having the judgment to make good decisions in our daily lives is what empowers us with the ongoing awareness to measure family, work, money, time and health looking for a satisfying balance. I will say wisdom like in the biblical times; it is an empowering thing that will help us navigate with intelligence in the search of that balance.

Finally, after sharing with you my idea of these “Six Balls” we need to juggle to explore Life Harmony, I will say that the core of all this idea is to really understand what matters the most for each of us. But remember…that is something different for each individual, and you need to find what works best for you.   In my opinion, the challenge for all of us is to find a way, a tool or a best practice that will fit our own needs and aspirations. It is a matter of learning how to be successful when juggling the balls: Family, Health, Work, Time, Money, and Wisdom.

Here is a piece of advice:
Keep in mind that “Work and Money “are balls that can bounce-back and they are rubber balls, so they come and go. Do not be afraid or intimidated by them.

On the other hand, “Family, Health, Time, and Wisdom” are glass balls that can be broken any time. Those will be hard to put back together if we are lacking of the understanding on how they are part of life priorities. They are flexible but you have to be more careful.

In summary, as I said before, we live in the now, not in the past or in the future; and with the idea to bring harmony into our lives more frequent, remember to find the best approach to juggle your six balls. Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you will perform better when your thoughts, feeling, emotions, goals and values are in balance.

Last but not least, here is a great book to read: the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. In his book he shares a step-by-step pathway for living with fairness, integrity, service and human dignity principles that give us the security to adapt to change and the wisdom and power to take advantage of the opportunities that change creates. Originally published in 1989, the timeless seven habits remain relevant even as the challenges have become more difficult.

Enjoy!

Application Story Three: Bringing Harmony into Our Lives Part I

"Our lives are a mixture of different roles. Most of us are doing the best we can to find whatever the right balance is . . . For me, that balance is family, work, and service." Hillary Rodham Clinton

Why This Topic...Over my personal and professional development, “Bring Harmony” into our lives is a subject I wanted to explore more because as human beings we need to identify what brings balance to the journey we have taken in life. As a result of this, the intent of this article is to share with others my personal view of this topic and create an open forum where we can share best practices. To do this I have divided this article into two parts because it could become overwhelming. The first one will be addressing some of my reflections about harmony, and how to start bringing it in our lives. The second part is a more practical reflection that can help us identify the areas we would like to focus to increase the chances of bringing more harmony in our daily lives.

What have I found?
This is a topic often called “Life Balanced”, or “Life Harmony” that triggers a lot of meanings and points of view. In fact, it is one of the subjects we discussed very often at work, and in our personal lives; where people always is trying to look for the right approach to find the balance. For instance the more I talked about it with peers, colleagues and friends, the more I discover that it is a subject that could be interpreted and practiced in many ways. And no matter we are looking for a comprehensive meaning “Life Harmony” is something we need to find, and define by ourselves.

Saying this, what works for me might not work for others, so it is a matter of sharing best practices and trying what work best for each individual.  We can see that in the business management arena, there are sufficient definitions and interpretations of “Life Balance or Harmony”. There are plenty of books dedicated to this subject, studies done, and many resources to teach us how to become more mindful about “Life Harmony” especially in today’s working world. But saying this, and no matter all the resources we may find, discover, or explore; I am a firm believer that bringing harmony into our lives is something we need to find by ourselves acknowledging our mixture of roles when perusing our careers, dreams and hopes.  

My Reflections…First of all, I will start by decoding the word “Harmony” and finding a meaning that works for me. In fact, this word encompasses our inner self, our external surroundings and how we equalize both (internal and external), so that we can have a healthy wellbeing. In other words I am talking about what we feel, think, believe, and do; and how all of that is in constant movement in our lives.  Harmony is also what matters the most for us and bring us peace and tranquility to perceive life. It is also the actions and decisions we take, and how these impact us in the inside and the outside of ourselves. In addition, “Harmony” involves how we live our lives based on our multiple roles. How we may focus less on material things and place more emphasis on how we would like to project ourselves. How we would like to approach life based on the different roles we undertake, and the responsibilities we acquire during our personal or professional life… Nevertheless, this is something I am still trying to define every day of my life taking one step at a time, and exploring things that work for me. Now let me ask you: What is your approach and definition of your own Life Harmony?

Second, in today’s culture there is a huge problem we have to face in terms of the overwhelming agendas and rushing days we constantly encounter in the different roles we take. In truth, I have learned from friends and peers how frustrated they are because of the lack of life balanced or harmony. Normally to express their frustration, they talk about their busy agendas, the urgent vs. the important, the lack of time to do what we like the most, the overwhelming feeling of too much to do, and less time or resources to accomplish things. So this is a greater problem that is showing us the need to stop and rethink how we would like to bring harmony into our lives.

From those discussions I have concluded that for many years, life balance has been a huge thing in our society, and people tend to look at this by finding what matters the most for them. However, there is a huge gap between what we say matter the most for us, and the way we actually spend our time and the level of importance we give to things in our lives. People tend to focus more often on quantifying things like the money they make, the time they spend at work, the career achievements they have, the family vacation they take, how they support their children activities, the free time they have during weekends, their family activities, the things they buy, the multiple outlook meetings they have in their calendars, their work-out activities, and many more things. Saying all this, now, let me ask you, What matter the most for you?
Let’s reflect more on this question, because this could be our starting point to find the right understanding of how we view “Life Harmony”. Yet there is a great dilemma and the more we think about it, the more questions come to our minds, here are some samples:

- HOW we can do that? 
- HOW can we identify what matter the most for us?  It is a huge thing, but that is a starting point to find - HOW we can balance our lives and priorities in the midst of today’s challenges, jobs, family issues, and economic pressure.
- HOW can we prioritize family, friends, and jobs?
- HOW can we have the best of life balance, or life harmony?

Look for your own answers, and explore what matter the most for you. And after all this initial reflection I would like to share with you some ideas to make harmony part of your daily life.

 Taking Action...

1. Let’s start by using our own journal (if you have one), and start making a list of all those things that are part of our lives, starting for what matter the most for us. Keep in mind that we need a balance of all key areas of our lives. 

2. Next, think about the areas that matter the most, and evaluate which ones are causing us stress and discomfort.

3. With our list in mind, our goal should be to be like an orchestra where all instruments play together in harmony, so make sure you start thinking how you can adjust your own instruments and the actions you would like to take next. Reflect on the things that are causing you more stress, and start crafting a plan to overcome those things.

Finally, Use the following thoughts as “mantra words” to help you achieve the balance we are looking for. Remember it is one step at a time:

Harmony in my heart, brings harmony to the family,

Harmony in the family brings harmony to my surroundings,

Harmony in the surroundings brings harmony to my regular activities and routines,

Let there be harmony with ME!

Enjoy!

Application Story Two: Approaching To Change, Things We Can Control: What We Say, Think and Feel

As we read in our other reflection, when facing any change in our lives it is normal to feel out of control. In fact, in many occasions life hand us changing events without an advance notice. In these changing events it is natural to feel lost as we look for certainty when thinking that everything is going to be okay, clarity to understand the best steps to make, and reassurance that we eventually feel better.

It is a fact that we can’t control how or when things will change in our lives, however there are three things that we can control: the words we say, the thoughts we have, and the feelings we allow ourselves to feel. I will say that these three things can make our change more complex or spark momentum and hope.

I believe that when we start feeling better in our inside is when our outside conditions will soon improve; however as humans we often want conditions to change before we feel better. What a dilemma, but that is what happens.   Let’s focus now on the things we can control, that will help us change our inside conditions and make us have a better outlook when change is approaching. The 3 things:

1.       What We Say: The Words We Choose…

To help you with this, it is a good exercise to start observing the words and language we are using when describing our situation, or in any other case when we are facing a situation that seems to be hard or difficult.   Here are some suggestions:
Take a look and think if you exaggerate and go to the extremes. Sometimes we tent to act like victims, heroes, or we swear a lot. We say things like: “this is the worst time of my life “or “I won’t be able to overcome this problem”, “why is always me the one facing these issues.”

Now imagine you are describing the change or the situation that is happening to you, and practice saying it out laugh. But this time include words of encouragement and optimism. Try to change those negative feelings for words that are more positive and cheerful. In truth, change could be hard and difficult, but when you replace those negative feelings for words of encouragement, this will make you have a better outlook of the situation.

Just keep in mind, when you speak in a negative way about what you are facing, you put yourself in a situation of pessimism and negativity creating a life that mirrors those negative feelings.  Yes it is hard! But keep in mind that if you describe what you are going through in a positive way, you will feel lighter and will have more strength to take further actions.

2.       What We Think: Positive Thoughts Make Them Work for You…I heard before an expression that says: “When you change the way you think, you tap into your inner voice and become a great film director”. Yes, you can control the movies in your mind. You can make them be brighter, darker, negative, harder, or uplifting. So I will say that when working to control your thoughts or ideas, this will help you acknowledge your expectations. Moreover, expectations can cast a spell on us that is true. We normally think that one way is the right way, and subsequently it freezes other ways of being. 

In the next lines I will present you an exercise that will help you set the right expectations and bring your positive thinking:

When change is presented to us, or we believe we are ready to make a change in our lives, stop and take a moment to ask ourselves: What do we expect here?Then take a moment to bring all the expectations into the light, and ask: Do we believe the change will be hard?
Do we expect to take forever?
Do we expect to be the ones losing out?
Do we have a clear vision of how things will happen?
Do we see how hard we are setting things up to be, often before they happened or started to change?

On the other hand, I have friends that use the “cancel word” canceling negative thoughts. Like them I became more creative, and use the expression “Chu Chu Chu” when I am trying to expel bad thoughts or negative feelings out of my mind.  I will say, tray to use whatever it works for you to expel those bad thoughts out of your mind, especially when things are harder.

3.       What We Feel…Although feelings can be very painful they are just emotions that are challenging us during those hard moments. But as my personal coach suggested to me, they are just emotions, and feelings, that are important to be acknowledged. But regardless of the pain, they will go away eventually. Besides there are moments where we think the worst of our emotions, and we feel bad because we are feeling angry and frustrated, or we may be doing something wrong because what we are feeling. My coach said to me once again, “Your Feelings are a Gift” Why? “We need to thank them because they are expressions of ourselves, they speak for us in those moments, and eventually they will carry good indicators of where we need to be heading”.Here is a great life master that used the following words to express our feelings: “Joy and sorrow are inseparable, together they come and when one sits alone with you… remember that the other is asleep upon your bed”. – Kahil Gibran.

Let me finish with a story of mine: When I was getting married and moving to the States with my fiancé Sebastian, I had a very strange emotion. I was moving away from Colombia, to the States leaving behind family, friends, a great job and great memories.  It was a bitter and sweet moment in my life. I was leaving things to let new things come to my life. However, I was sad and felt very bad for having those feelings when my life was going to be a wonderful one with the love of my life. Now that I reflect more, nothing was wrong with my future in the States and my husband to be. What I felt was leaving a city with great memories that I loved and that I enjoyed, I was sad. Then I just realized that I needed to grieve my years in Colombia before I was able to embrace my new future. I said my good byes, cried, and set a farewell party with all my family and friends. It was a good thing that I let my sadness came to celebrate those memories and helped me prepare for the new adventure. 
In conclusion, let our tears come if they need to come, let us release the emotion, the tension, and the stress. That is part of the changing process. I can assure that later in the process, there will be a wake up point to embrace the change.

Finally, to keep these 3 things in mind, these are our take aways:

1.       Be very mindful of the questions we will ask to ourselves, the language we use, and the stories we will tell. Decide if we want to be imprisoned or liberated during the change.

2.       We REALLY can control our thoughts during any change. Let’s select the good ones. Look for better thoughts and ideas.

3.       It is a fact that all changes will involve a LOSS, and it is OKAY to feel the emotions that are part of that LOSS. Do not be afraid of those feelings; that pain will stop and will bring us to an awaking point letting the new things come.

4.       To learn more about "Change” Check it Out: The First 30 Days – Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier – Ariane de Bonvoisim

Remember:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions for the become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. – Anonymous.

Enjoy!

Working In a Multicultural Team

This is a topic that fascinates me very much. Why?
Because I am part of the melting pot Corporate America brings with the different cultures working together.  Since I have been a member of a multicultural team that needs to learn how to work together despite our core difference, this is another reason for me to care about it.  I will say, this is one of the biggest blessings, and opportunities I have received when I came to the States. A country that offers us the possibility to learn about other cultures, without taking a real trip to any country. That is part of becoming multicultural, and I love to know and work with people from many cultures, including this great American culture rich in so many differences. Therefore, to offer some input about my experience when working in a multicultural environment and being from Latin America, in this article you will find some key resources and ideas to help you navigate, and most importantly, embrace diversity and cultural difference.

First of all, let me ask you, how many of you belong to teams that are multicultural in geography and different country nationalities? I will say this is the common denominator for corporate America. This is something we are facing everywhere, and it is not too late to educate ourselves to be more open, tolerant and understandable working in multicultural high performing teams. 

How to do it, and how to overcome those fears and barriers we have as human beings? 
First of all I will have to say we really need an open tolerant mind. A tolerant mind, yes!  A mind that can accept and respect people who have an accent. People who honor the English language with their local accent, representing their local language and culture, and enriching the English language so great that anyone in the world recognize it as one of the most important language to communicate and do business.  That is the empowerment of a language. This is in my opinion the first step when working in a multicultural environment. I will rephrase it for you: “We have to build an open-tolerant-mind, and then the rest is a piece of cake”.

Second, if you are looking for a book that can offer you that diversity and help you open your tolerant mind, the publication named: Cultural Intelligence: Living and Working Globally, Second Edition by David C. Thomas and Kerr Inkson is a great resource to help you understand the journey you are about to take. This book provides you with information and resources about managing success in today’s global environment. It also offers its readers information about interaction beyond organizations in more broadly approaches, sharing people’s daily lives.  As it is expressed in the book’s introductory pages:  “This book is about becoming more effective in dealing with people from different cultural backgrounds. It is about acquiring the global people skills that are important for functioning in the twenty-first century and beyond. It is for people who travel overseas and encounter new cultures, as well as for those who stay at home and find that other cultures have come to them. It is about acquiring the cultural intelligence in order not only to survive without difficulty or embarrassment in our new multicultural environment but also to pursue our goals in this environment with the confidence needed for success” - Dave Thomas & Kerr Inkson.

Third, I highly recommend you to explore my colleague and friend’s multicultural learning and development training services: Charis Intercultural Training at www.chariscorp.com. With Charis you will find wonderful and effective resources if you are looking to become an open-tolerant-mind, embracing team differences. I really welcome you to explore them.

Lastly, another idea I want to share with you is the business and multicultural term “Cultural Differences”. To understand this, in my opinion, is to build TRUST as a critical step in the creation of a multicultural team. As a manager or a team member you need to recognize that building trust between different people is a complex process.  Since each culture has its own way of building trust, and its open interpretation of what trust is, this is what will help:  the team members need to become more aware of their cultural differences, as well as exploring cultural similarities. Just Ask Them! What are those for them, and have an open dialog about those findings. I am sure this will help you build that initial trust, and communicate more effectively.  

Finally, to practice these tips, the next time you find yourself in a confusing situation, ask yourself how culture maybe shaping your own reactions? Try to see the world from other’s point of view. That is a word of wisdom, or the mantra I carry with me since I was advancing in my graduate studies in the University of Illinois and working in the Office of International Affairs at the same university.

If you do this, and more… I am sure your open-tolerant-mind will start growing, and will allow you to see all the wonderful possibilities you have when working with multicultural teams.

Good Luck and Let me Know!

Application Story: Managing Change in Our Personal and Professional Life

“Change is the law of life” – John F. Kennedy

We live in a world where change is constant, and it is presented in our lives without a formal announcement.  In fact, change comes in many ways and it could be interpreted as an opportunity to grow, or as a hard thing to manage. Change is current when people lost jobs, get married or divorce, have a child, move to another location, get sick, gain or lose weight, and make financial changes. Moreover, in our daily lives there are always changes presented in the way we eat, live, think, buy things, build relationships, communicate with others, and make decisions.  As we see change is imminent in our lives.

When facing any change we mightn’t be prepared to embrace it right away. On the contrary, we can become confused and reluctant to what is happening. This could bring into our lives mixed emotions such as fear, anxiety, and stress. That is a normal reaction when we are getting out of our confortable zone facing something new that we are not certain yet. In fact, over the course of my life I will say because of those emotions we may interpret change as something hard, something to avoid, something that takes energy, and work, or something that involves pain.

For some, however, change can trigger a different response, one of optimism and strength.  For these people the emotional component of change can be managed, and their fear and anxiety are replaced with a new way of thinking. I am sure they still feel change is hard, and painful, but they are realistic, and may find change positive. They look for ways to understand that every experience in life could be a way of learning, a way to build their learning agility to adapt and take the best out of that situation. That is the approach we need to learn to take.

Based on my personal experience and reflecting back in the many things I have faced in terms of change, I can assure that having a new mind-set about change will radically affect the way we live our lives. Something I have learned is that something good come from any change, and that is the message I want to share with you.  But, how is this possible? Well, examining those changes, I noticed that the first few weeks of my transition were the hardest for me.  I had fear, and a lot of anxiety about what was going on. However going back to those moments, I tried to think that this part was the most important part of the change, because although I was not able to think clearly and practically, I knew that at the bottom of my heart this was a learning moment in my life.  I was very scared no doubt about it; but during that transition, I have learned that I was able to come to the other side, only if I just adjusted my sails and followed the wind with a strong conviction that something new was coming.

Here is my reflection, on how I adjust my sails when facing winds of change:

First of all, I will say that it is possible to find the right tools with a positive mind-set. For that it is important to start thinking about the PURPOSE of our change, instead of focusing on WHY is this happening. I am a strong believer that there will be always something positive that comes after change. To do that, I have used a journal to write down my emotions and feelings.  To express myself and explore with words my feelings accepting what was happening.Second, I have generated new believes about myself, about the change and about what I would like to accomplish after the transition. I looked for positive messages and inspirational words that became my “word mantras”. I used them to adjust my feelings because I was sure that from any lose; there is always something to be found. One of the favorite sayings I have found is “We cannot see around corners,  we just have to keep moving forward, trusting there is something good around the bend”.  That is a powerful mantra for me, and it could be for you.  Also to cope with change, I have surrounded myself with people who inspired me, friends who already transferred from one thing to another, people I read about that experienced great changes in their lives. Moreover, I have found inspirational literature that talks about resilience, and positivism.
Later when the storm is becoming a little clear, and the winds are taking my sails far in the process, then I started crafting my plan, thinking about that new beginning, and what I wanted to accomplish. I know it could sound overwhelming, but having a plan in mind, or at least starting to think what I wanted to do next or how I would like things to became has given me a great strength to cross the path, and move on. It is not easy and every change I have faced in my life starts always with that anxiety and stress, then after painful moments, I looked back and see that always there is a way to move on and let the winds of change take us to a new place, with a new person and perspective in mind.

Here are some tips to help you take action in terms of change and adjusting your sails:

1.       What is the one new thing you need to believe to get through the change you’re experiencing or initiating? Write it somewhere where it will be easily visible. If you want more than one thing to believe, go ahead!

I am…

God will…

Life is…

This is…

2.       What are the strongest empowering believes you can have that will help you through any change? For example, when I’m going through change, some of my beliefs are as follows.

This too shall pass…

Things always work out in the end…

I will get through this…

Life is on my side…

I’m not alone…

I can change…

3.       What are the best things you believe about yourself? Your skills, talents, qualities… what makes you, you? Write these down.

4.       Think of few of your best friends – people you admire, respect, and love. Write down their names and their strongest beliefs. Do any of them hold a belief you would like to try in for a while?

I am sure these steps can help us adjust our minds and look for a lot of possibilities.

In conclusion, over my experience I am a firm believer that change allows us to learn and understand something new. I try to keep in mind that change is never a punishment, although sometimes we want to see it that way. Change it is always an opportunity to connect with what is inside us. What is more, change allows us to choose how we want to react to something that has happened by accepting it or resisting it. In fact, change helps us find ourselves, the part of us that is always there, that does not change. Life’s unpredictability becomes infinitely easier when we connect with that part of ourselves.  Finally, change is always in our side. It exists to serve us, teach us lessons, and help us embrace life’s mysteries. 

Keep in mind that adjusting to change takes practice. When we are in facing any change, we have to retraining our brains and create a new habit. Start thinking about your new beliefs, they will represent your new perspective. Soon those beliefs will become more familiar, and eventually the will become automatic.

I want to finish this application story with this quote: “You see everything is about belief, whatever we believe rules our existence, rules our life.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

Personal Time Management

Over the course of my professional life, time management is one of the core skills that help us be successful in managing our career and development goals. In fact, this is not an easy skill to master. Why? Because sometimes it implies changing our habits, and modifying things we normally do into new things and routines. 

Everyone at work tends to say, “I need to learn better time management skills”, or “I need some resources to be better at managing my time”.

If you feel this comments speak for you, then let’s explore some resources I found over the web, which can help us be aware of ways to build our knowledge when managing time and priorities in our personal and professional life.

Before you read this, remember to focus on one skill at a time.

Click here to explore these resources.

Giving and Receiving Feedback

Giving and receiving regular feedback in our personal and professional relationships helps us to understand our strengths and target our less developed areas. Knowing how to give impactful feedback is a valuable skill that will help others grow and be more effective.

As a person with a passion for learning and development, I will say that giving and receiving feedback is one of the core skills to build relationships and become good at something. In fact, openness, honesty, candor, trust all of these are hallmarks of high performance teams and organizations. Good feedback skills are essential to any relationship.  Feedback is important because it prevents small issues from becoming unmanageable problems, it builds trust in relationships, and it promotes personal and professional growth.

A model for feedback.  Many people I have worked with asked me if I have preferable model to use when giving or receiving feedback. I do have one that is very easy to remember. It is named the BEER model. Let’s take a look:

The BEER Model

B- Behavior: Identify what the employee is doing or not doing.

E- Effect: Explain why the behavior is related to productivity/business performance. (Impact)

E- Expectation: Explain what you expect the employee to continue doing or to stop doing to change.

R- Result: Identify what will happen if the employee changes or what the consequences will be if the behavior continues.

Another model for feedback:

Stop, Start, and Continue Model

“Stop, Start, Continue" is a simple technique for fostering respectful and effective communication. In the spirit of learning, one person tells another things she should "stop" doing, things she should "start" doing, and things she should "continue" doing. For example, a manager might recommend that an employee stop using a certain supplier, start tracking time spent on different projects, and continue collaborating with colleagues in other departments. The employee might suggest that his manager stop arriving late to meetings, start delegating more tasks to others, and continue apprising department members about project budgets.

Why Use this Approach: This approach allows both sides to give direct and specific feedback. It ensures that valuable information gets communicated evenly, reinforces productive behavior, and provides managers with insight into their employees' capabilities. Teams can also use "Stop, Start, Continue" to develop a list of action items or unearth hidden problems. When colleagues can communicate honestly and collaborate to improve processes, they advance team learning and provide opportunities for developing shared vision.

Set the Context: Take some time to think about what you, or others are doing in relationship to organizational partnerships, projects, jobs or responsibilities. Ask yourself these questions: What is not working? (Something you/ we should STOP). What should we have in place to improve? (Something you/we should START). What is working well and should be continued? (Something you/we should CONTINUE.

Tips and suggestions to receive feedback: 

• Listen to understand. Practice all the skills of an effective listener including using body language and facial expressions that encourage the other person to talk.
• Try to suspend judgment. After all, in learning the views of the feedback provider, you learn about yourself and how your actions are interpreted in the world.
•  Summarize and reflect what you hear. Your feedback provider will appreciate that you are really hearing what they are saying. You are ascertaining that you 'are' really hearing.
•  Ask questions to clarify. Focus on questions to make sure you understand the feedback.
• Ask for examples and stories that illustrate the feedback, so you know you share meaning with the person providing feedback.
• Just because a person gives you feedback, doesn't mean their feedback is right. They see your actions but interpret them through their own perceptual screen and life experiences. Ask for clarification if you need it.
• Be approachable. People avoid giving feedback to difficult people. Your openness to feedback is obvious through your body language, facial expressions, and welcoming manner.

Remember, only you have the right and the ability to decide what to do with the feedback. Feedback is a gift to help people develop and become better in life. Try to show your appreciation to the person providing the feedback. They'll feel encouraged and believe it or not, you do want to encourage feedback. If you find yourself becoming defensive or hostile, practice stress management techniques such as taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Focusing on understanding the feedback by questioning and restating usually defuses any feelings you have of hostility or anger.

In summary, when learning a new skill, practice is what makes us stronger. It is not easy to apply all these ideas at once. Just start with the ones you feel more comfortable with, and take one step at time to build your skills around giving and receiving feedback. Also remember to provide feedback with a good intent, if you do not have that in mind then do not waste your time and energy. Feedback should be something to help people grow and develop. Explore this resource to continue enhancing your skills around Feedback: http://managementhelp.org/commskls/feedback/feedback.htm

Listening Effectively

We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking.

• Usually it is important to paraphrase and use your own words in verbalizing your understanding of the message. Parroting back the words verbatim is annoying and does not ensure accurate understanding of the message.

• Depending on the purpose of the interaction and your understanding of what is relevant, you could reflect back the other person's:
• Account of the facts.
• Thoughts and beliefs.
• Feelings and emotions.
• Wants, needs or motivation.
• Hopes and expectations.

• Don’t respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary or surface meaning of the words or code used by the sender is not the message.

• Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer questions. The underlying concern may be in the form of a question. Sometimes people ask questions when they really want to express themselves and are not open to hearing an answer.

• Know when to quit using active listening. Once you accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be appropriate to respond with your own message. Don’t use active listening to hide and avoid revealing your own position.

• If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you don’t understand and ask him/her to say it another way, or use your best guess. If you are incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely attempt to correct your misunderstanding.

• Active listening is a very effective first response when the other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings toward you, especially in relationships that are important to you.

• Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room. Face and lean toward the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical.

• Be empathic and nonjudgmental. You can be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your own position, or without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their view.

Advice: Become a more effective listener. Practice these active listening techniques and make them part of your communication skills.

Effective Communication Skills in Action

It's vitally important that, as a person and professional, you listen to your friends, colleagues, and learn to read their non-verbal behaviors. You will gain critical information by listening effectively and watching for non-verbal cues.  How to do it? This article will give you some ideas...

Listening effectively

By listening to others, you can learn a lot about their attitudes and feelings, motivations, resistance to change, concerns, viewpoints, and individual perspectives. Gaining this information is imperative if you are to succeed in your personal or professional life.
When making recommendations or proposals to others, remember that they should be doing most of the talking. You need to find out what is important to them, what their expectations are, and countless other details. Listening to what others say in any meeting will be enlightening, and will indicate how you should proceed with whatever it is you are working on.
By using non-verbal cues such as leaning forward, making eye contact, and nodding regularly, you can demonstrate that you are listening, which will encourage the speaker to open up and provide you with the information you need. Several other strategies you can use to listen more effectively are listed below:

1. Sincerity. It is important to be sincere and to show others that you really care about their situations. Being distracted, looking away, or not paying attention will only hinder the relationship.
2. Openness. Active listening is all about building a collaborative partnership. It is not a point-scoring exercise. Don't conceal information from your colleagues—be open with them.
3. Empathy. It is crucial that you show empathy when listening. You don't want your colleagues to perceive a "them" and "us" situation. Instead, demonstrate to your clients that you are in tune with their feelings and situations.
4. Patience. Try not to finish others' sentences. By doing this, you may miss out on essential information. Instead, you will need to be patient, and allow them to vocalize their thoughts and feelings.
5. Match body language. It's essential that you respond appropriately to what is said. You should ensure that your body language matches what the other person is saying without being too intrusive.
6. Act as a reflector. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment, and make sure that you don't argue or ignore the information that you're given, whether it is good or bad news. Your role should be as a reflector, reflecting back to others what they've said, so you can check your understanding and keep them focused.

It's not always easy to use active listening skills. There may be many other distractions—thinking about deadlines, the projects you work, the assignment, your skills and abilities, and countless other issues. However, such distractions can inhibit your performance. They prevent you from putting others first and responding in a way they deserve.

Watching for non-verbal cues

Every face tells a story. In any dialogue or exchange, the internal other person acts and you react, using verbal and non-verbal communication. It is vital that you pick up on all of the cues displayed by your peers. This enables you to respond appropriately to their feelings and concerns.
Your friends, colleagues, and the people in your team, may reveal how they feel in a number of ways. The main non-verbal indicators are facial expressions, gestures, posture, and eye contact.
If you see positive cues, such as smiling or nodding, you'll know that your current approach is effective. But if you see negative cues, such as frowning, you may need to alter your approach. Non-verbal cues are often very subtle. Watch carefully, or you may miss vital clues to the way the other person feels. There should be congruence between what people say and how they are communicating non-verbally. While a person may indicate verbal agreement with your proposals, other non-verbal cues—such as tapping fingers, scratching the head, or frowning—may indicate true emotions, such as agitation or nervousness.

In summary, by honing your listening skills and understanding non-verbal cues, you can improve your communications with your peers. You will be able to avoid misunderstandings, resentment, and mistakes by correctly interpreting the information they give you. In addition, you can preempt difficulties by reading their feelings. By seizing the opportunities to communicate effectively with others, you will develop more productive and rewarding working relationships.

Start now to practice these tips.